Ups and downs in English

Hur vi mår. Hur jag mår. Bra? Jo, jag mår bra eller det tror jag i alla fall. Vi har alla våra ups and downs eller hur. Det är väl det som är livet, vi måste uppleva och genomlida vissa perioder för att unna uppskatta det andra. Har lust att skriva på engelska så jag gör nog det.

It’s so cold outside. Yes it is damn cold outside. I wish I could just fly away to something else, another life maybe but what would that life be like. What do I want? I know what I want, well, at least I tell people what I want, including myself. Yes, I know what I want and I aint gonna let the dream go off me easily at all. I’m a fighter. After I just wrote this I felt the encouragement I just made. I now feel more secure again, isn't this crazy? I think so. But on the other hand… I am kind of insecure deep down, yes I am. It is easy to say I am perfectly fine all the time, that nothing is wrong with me, I am OKAY. But am I really? Mostly yes. I told myself and made a rule that I wouldn’t write depressing things on here. I want to boost people, and myself  so that I can look back to this in the future and read about my life and the thoughts that i had and see that they are actually perfectly fine. I bet it’s this weather that has made me so blue, or maybe I’m just tired, maybe I will feel better tomorrow.. And school, oh god. School is making me so crazy stressed right now, I can’t calm down. I wear a mask of calming eyes, calm smiles, secure. The mask represents a woman’s outside which is a confident woman. I am a confident woman mostly but we do have our downs as well.

I hate the beauty industry. No, I hate the propaganda they are advertising everywhere. It’s for nothing good. It makes us people insecure about ourselves and it tear us down bit by bit. I am not going to let it get its guilty hand over me, even if I know for sure that I am very concerned about the way I look. And too often, I admit. I like to put on makeup, I like to feel pretty yes, but who doesn’t really? Who doesn’t? However, I do like myself most of the time, or try to like myself for the way I am, me, with no makeup on. The pure girl without any secrets hiding beneath make up. The plastic face so many women wear nowadays. Sometimes I wish I was a man with no makeup on. They don’t trick people into thinking they are good looking. People like them for the way they are. I like that. I know guys have lots of self-esteem problems as well and that they are not happy with the way they look all the time either but right now I’m focusing on this fake face that we girls walk around with.

And right now. I would so happily kick love in the ass. Why isn’t love working out for me the way i want it? Sigh… I don’t know, it makes me so sad. I am not desperate. I know I’m not. But… I keep on with this longing. I want to wake up next to a sweet lovely guy in the bed and kiss him on the cheek, then put my head on his shoulder and fall asleep again…That is like the biggest wish I have right now except for my future plans….. Yeah. But yes, I want to cuddle and kiss. That is what I wish for. I don’t need someone to make me feel good or pretty or happy or anything. It’s just the cuddly part that I love. I just love the romance, oh yes I do.




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